Nobody Is Impressed By Your Ability To Wear Shorts In The Winter

Really. Nobody cares. We know you’re doing this for the attention. We can see the goosebumps on your legs. You’re cold, we hate you, just put on some pants and end this.

The last time I was impressed by something like this was when my fifth grade class went on a winter camping trip. During an unchaperoned game of truth or dare, this one kid was dared to run around the cabin totally naked. And he did it. Stripped down, at the age of ten, in front of his classmates and ran around in the snow. When he came back inside, one of the prettiest girls in the class kissed him on the mouth. 

Do not take this as advice. I’m pretty sure the only reason that worked for him was because he was 10. If I see you running around naked, I will not be kissing you on the mouth, I’m just gonna call the cops.